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It's The Muppet Show, with our special
guest star, Mr. Charles Aznavour.

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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]

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♪ It's time to play the music ♪

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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪

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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪

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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪

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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪

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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪

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I don't approve of belly dancers.

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Why can't they dance on the floor
like everyone else?

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♪ To introduce our guest star ♪

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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪

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♪ So it really makes me happy ♪

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♪ To introduce to you ♪

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Mr. Charles Aznavour!

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[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

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♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪

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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪

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♪ This is what we call ♪

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♪ The Muppet Show ♪

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[CLOCK CHIMES]

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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-Fozzie, what are you doing?
-Mm? I'm checking the house.

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-Will you get out of here?
-Sorry.

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Bonsoir, bonsoir, mesdames et messieurs.

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That's "ladies and gentlemen."

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You'll notice
a little French sneaking into my speech,

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because our special guest
tonight is none other

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than that international star
Mr. Charles Aznavour.

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But right now let's raise the curtain,
strike up the band,

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and get things moving on The Muppet Show.

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[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

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♪ Tonight ♪

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♪ Tonight ♪

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♪ Won't be just any night ♪

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Oh, he will soon be here.

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Be still, my aching heart.

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♪ I feel pretty ♪

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♪ Oh, so pretty ♪

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♪ I feel pretty and witty and bright ♪

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[IN SQUEAKY VOICE] ♪ And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight ♪

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♪ I feel charming ♪

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♪ Oh, so charming ♪

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♪ It's alarming how charming I feel ♪

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♪ And so pretty ♪

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♪ That I hardly can believe I'm real ♪

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♪ See the pretty girl
In that mirror there ♪

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♪ What mirror? Where? ♪

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♪ Who can that attractive girl be? ♪

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♪ Which? What? Where? Whom? ♪

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♪ Such a pretty face
Such a pretty dress ♪

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♪ Such a pretty smile ♪

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♪ Such a pretty me ♪

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♪ Such a pretty me ♪

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♪ Such a pretty me ♪

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♪ I feel stunning ♪

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♪ And entrancing ♪

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♪ Feel like running and dancing for joy ♪

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♪ For I'm loved ♪

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♪ By a pretty wonderful boy ♪

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[SCREECHING]

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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

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-Come in.
- Hiya, honey.

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Ooh!

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[MUMBLING]

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Kermit, are you busy?

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Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear
for a moment.

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What would I do with your ear?

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-Van Gogh impressions.
-Oh.

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Gonzo, do you have to take everything
so literally? It's just an expression.

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Kermit, what I wanted to know was...
was... uh, you know,

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I've noticed that I haven't been on-stage
for the last couple of shows.

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-Good observation.
-Yeah, well...

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Kermit, I have a lot of fans out there,
see,

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who are waiting to see
my latest theatrical creation.

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Gonzo, I have seen you eat
a rubber tire to music,

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and I have seen you play a concert
on your head with a mallet.

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-Yeah.
-And, Gonzo, my dear friend,

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it doesn't work.

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What? Kermit, you... I don't...

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You gotta understand,
I don't play for the masses.

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I'm an artist. You understand that?
An artist.

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Yeah, well, then you should've gotten
my Van Gogh joke.

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Listen, Gonzo,
why don't you get yourself a manager?

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You know, somebody who could
guide your career.

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Yeah? All right. Okay. I will. All right.

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I'll do that and then you'll see.

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You'll all see because there's only one
Great Gonzo. Only one!

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Thank goodness for that.

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Yeah, yokel! Rube!

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's a real treat

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to present a star who's written and sung
so many beautiful songs.

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And right now he's going to sing
one of my all-time favorites.

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Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Charles Aznavour.

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[BAND PLAYING SOFTLY]

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♪ Dance
In the old fashioned way ♪

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♪ Won't you stay in my arms ♪

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♪ Just melt against my skin ♪

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♪ And let me feel your heart ♪

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♪ Don't let the music win ♪

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♪ By dancing far apart ♪

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♪ Come close ♪

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♪ Where you belong ♪

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♪ Let's hear
Our secret song ♪

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♪ Dance
In the old fashioned way ♪

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♪ Would you stay in my arms ♪

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♪ And we'll discover heights ♪

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♪ We never knew before ♪

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♪ If we just close our eyes ♪

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♪ And dance around the floor ♪

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♪ That gay ♪

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♪ Old fashioned way ♪

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♪ That makes me love you more ♪

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Come closer. Ah-ah!
Forget about the others.

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It's nice to be like this, cheek to cheek
in the old fashioned way, no?

116
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You know, I have the feeling that
we're dancing as our parents used to do.

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Well...

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maybe they weren't wrong.

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You see, time passes...

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but love... Yes, love stays.

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Mm...

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♪ That gay ♪

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♪ Old fashioned way ♪

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♪ That makes me love you ♪

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♪ Love you ♪

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♪ That makes me love you more ♪

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-You know, I love French singers.
-I love french fries!

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French fries? I don't get that.

129
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You didn't order any.

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-Hey. Hey, Kermit?
-Mm?

131
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The Great Gonzo wants me to manage him.

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Yeah, Scooter understands the soul
of a true artist.

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-Mm-hm.
-But Scooter, I hired you as a gofer.

134
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Gofer coffee, gofer sandwiches, remember?

135
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Yeah, well, I can still do that,
but Gonzo needs personal management.

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Oh, I do, Kermit, I truly do.

137
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Yeah, I'm gonna change
his whole repertoiry.

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-I'm gonna have him do a rock act.
-A rock act? But Gonzo can't sing.

139
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No, no, I mean a rock act.
Show him, Gonzo.

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Yeah, watch. Ah...

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-Okay, hit it, kid.
-Okay.

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[SPITS]

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Art! Art! Art!

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Out! Out! Out!

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NARRATOR:
And now, Veterinarian's Hospital,

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the continuing story
of a former orthopedic surgeon

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who's gone to the dogs.

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[BREATHING DEEPLY]

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This is D for "Dog," B for "Bob,"
saying turn off the joy juice.

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Hm?

151
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Yeah, 10-roger. Okay.
Now, where were we? Uh, pulse.

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Oh.

153
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No pulse, Dr. Bob.

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Heartbeat?

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No heartbeat, Dr. Bob.

156
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No pulse, no heartbeat, no use. He's gone.

157
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Oh, four hours operating
and he went just like that.

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Yes, doesn't the time go fast
when you're having fun?

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Too bad, Dr. Bob. Your record was so good.
You saved nine out of 10.

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My record is still good.
This week he was number 10.

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[LAUGHING]

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So Dr. Bob's record is still good.

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It's now ten on the medical hit parade,
with a bullet.

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Tune in next week
when we'll hear Nurse Piggy say:

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I hope no one hears about this, Dr. Bob.

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Well, at least he won't say anything.

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I get it!

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[ALL LAUGHING]

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Hilda, you can't imagine how hungry
I get before a performance,

170
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so thank you for having
this supper sent in for me.

171
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It is my pleasure.
It's everything that you ordered.

172
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There is... there is roast chicken,
and salad, and French bread.

173
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,088
But Hilda, this is not French bread.

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[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

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Of course, I could be wrong.

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[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

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-George. George!
-Yeah?

178
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-Do you read very much?
-Oh, all the time.

179
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Oh.

180
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-Do you like Kipling?
-Oh, well, I don't know,

181
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I never Kippled.

182
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I don't know why, but I just love you.

183
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,503
Well, you know how it is with us bananas.
We have appeal.

184
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Get it? A peel.

185
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[LAUGHS]

186
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-What is it you do for a living?
-Oh, uh, I'm a garbageman.

187
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That's fantastic!

188
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-Do you deliver?
-Well, yes.

189
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Come on, baby. Let's go do
what we bananas do best.

190
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-What's that?
-Split.

191
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Do you know what it's like
dancing with you?

192
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No. What?

193
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One, two, three, dip!

194
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Aargh! Oh, I love it. More! More!

195
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,296
One, two, three, dip.

196
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Yeah! More! More!

197
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[PLAYING COUNTRY MUSIC]

198
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,806
♪ Oh me, oh my, oh you ♪

199
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,016
♪ Whatever shall I do? ♪

200
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,310
♪ Hallelujah ♪

201
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,479
♪ The question is peculiar ♪

202
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,398
♪ I'd give a lot of dough ♪

203
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,441
♪ If I could only know ♪

204
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,694
♪ The answer to my question ♪

205
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,946
♪ Is it yes or is it no? ♪

206
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:22,450
♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor ♪

207
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,285
♪ On the bedpost overnight? ♪

208
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,705
♪ If your mother says don't chew it ♪

209
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,456
♪ Do you swallow it in spite? ♪

210
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,959
♪ Can you catch it on your tonsils? ♪

211
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,711
♪ Can you heave it left and right? ♪

212
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:35,088
♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor ♪

213
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,965
♪ On the bedpost overnight? ♪

214
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,593
Aha!

215
00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:41,761
Yee-ha!

216
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,722
♪ The nation drives as one ♪

217
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:45,598
♪ To send their honored son ♪

218
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,018
♪ To the White House ♪

219
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,145
♪ The nation's only White House ♪

220
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,980
♪ To voice their discontent ♪

221
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,232
♪ Unto the president ♪

222
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,359
♪ Upon the burning question ♪

223
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,486
♪ That has swept this continent ♪

224
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:02,657
The question is,
how do you drive a baby buggy?

225
00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:05,368
I don't know,
how do you drive a baby buggy?

226
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,287
You tickle its feet!

227
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,747
[ALL LAUGHING]

228
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:13,501
♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor ♪

229
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,378
♪ On the bedpost overnight? ♪

230
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,422
♪ If you pull it out like rubber ♪

231
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,591
♪ Will it snap right back and bite? ♪

232
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,885
♪ If you paste it on the left side ♪

233
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,762
♪ Will you find it on the right? ♪

234
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,056
♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor ♪

235
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,016
♪ On the bedpost overnight? ♪

236
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:32,354
♪ On the bedpost over ♪

237
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,647
I told you that I love you
and I wanna hold you tight

238
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,983
Monday Tuesday Wednesday
Thursday Friday Saturday night

239
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:40,945
♪ On the bedpost over ♪

240
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,323
A dollar is a dollar and a dime is a dime

241
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:46,034
He'd sing another chorus,
but he hasn't got the time

242
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:53,166
♪ On the bedpost overnight ♪

243
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,377
-Whoo-hoo!
-Whoo-hoo!

244
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:05,303
Charles, I can't tell you how honored
we are to have you on our show tonight.

245
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,347
Why, thank you, Kermit. It's my pleasure.

246
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:10,433
-Hey, listen. Can I ask you a question?
-Of course.

247
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,311
Well, how come Frenchmen are so lucky
in love?

248
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:16,606
Well, we have a great advantage, you know.

249
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:19,109
-The language.
-Language?

250
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,486
Yes. You know that French
is the language of love,

251
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:25,490
so if you want to be a great ladies' man,
learn French.

252
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,993
That wouldn't help me. You see,
none of the girls I know speak French.

253
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:32,080
That doesn't matter.
In fact, sometimes it helps.

254
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,874
-I don't follow.
-I will show you. Um...

255
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,711
Piggy? Mademoiselle Piggy,
would you come here, please?

256
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,087
Mm-hm?

257
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,756
She doesn't speak French, I suppose?

258
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,134
-No, she doesn't speak a word of French.
-Good.

259
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,510
Yes, Charles?

260
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,554
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

261
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,599
Oh!

262
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,894
-Oh, Charles.
-Mm-hm.

263
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,856
-Oh. Oh.
-Uh, oui.

264
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:01,609
Hey, listen, you really got to her.
What did you say?

265
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:05,613
I said, "Your oil filter has a leak
and your transmission is sagging."

266
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,908
That's incredible.

267
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,410
-One more demonstration?
-Yeah.

268
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:13,913
You know what I'm gonna say?
I'm gonna whisper in her ear

269
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:17,250
the telephone number of Paris
garbage dump, you know?

270
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,752
Paris garbage dump.

271
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:20,545
-Mademoiselle Piggy.
-Yes, Charles.

272
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,505
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

273
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,135
Oh, oh, oh, oh!

274
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,764
Oh, Charles. Oh! Mwah! Mwah!

275
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,771
Oh, oh, Charles.

276
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,356
[OINKS]

277
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,818
Oh, gee, I knew that would happen.

278
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:47,155
Charles, on behalf of all the Muppets,
I wanna say how sorry we are...

279
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:50,033
Sorry? Sorry?

280
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,202
I just met the girl of my dreams.

281
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,705
Piggy? Piggy? Piggy?

282
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,457
Oh, Piggy?

283
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,628
Well, one man's poison
is another man's bacon. Ha, ha.

284
00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:04,756
Hi-yah!

285
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,176
Barbarian.

286
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:14,933
-I love the French tongue.
-I love pig's tongue.

287
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,602
Pig's tongue? I don't get it.
Ah, I know...

288
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,729
BOTH:
"You didn't order any."

289
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,398
[BOTH LAUGHING]

290
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:22,941
[MUMBLING]

291
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,610
-Kermit.
-Mm?

292
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:30,198
-Kermit, that nephew of the theater owner.
-Scooter? What about him?

293
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:33,576
He is going to drive me to bananas.

294
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:36,329
He has gone all through the wardrobe.

295
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,874
He wants The Great Gonzo to do
a costume act.

296
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:43,586
-Wh-- What?
-Hey, chief. What do you think?

297
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,465
Hah.

298
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,969
You think the high heels are too much?

299
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:55,598
-Are you guys nuts?
-Well, Scooter says that... that...

300
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,977
-female impersonation is a noble art.
-Yeah.

301
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:02,397
Of all the dumb acts Gonzo's
ever come up with, this is the dumbest.

302
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,484
-Oh, gee, my uncle loves it.
-You go on right after the dancers.

303
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,236
Oh, okay, good.

304
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,488
What do I do when I get out there?

305
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,990
Duck.

306
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,870
[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

307
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:24,794
Okay, friends. Time again to raise
the intellectual level of our program,

308
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:28,131
and our panel tonight consists of Sam,
the American Eagle.

309
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,133
Peace and courage.

310
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:34,012
-And Gonzo the Great.
-Art and culture.

311
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:38,183
-Our own wardrobe lady, Hilda.
-Pins and needles.

312
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:43,063
And Mildred Hockstadder,
MA, PhD, OBE, and RSVP.

313
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:44,773
Oh, whatever.

314
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:49,277
Tonight's topic, what is man's role
in the universe?

315
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:53,531
To be decent and to work hard.
Next question.

316
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:57,660
Not so fast, Sam.
This is an important question.

317
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:01,539
It has been asked
since the beginning of time.

318
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:05,460
Man's role in the universe.
That's a toughie.

319
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:09,089
Oh, Gonzo, this discussion
is above your head.

320
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:11,549
Maybe you just better keep it down.

321
00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:14,928
-Check.
MILDRED: What's he... What's he up to?

322
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:19,724
She didn't mean keep your head down.
You take things too literally.

323
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:23,770
Yeah, yeah, please. Now, we don't
have much time. so let's get hopping.

324
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,481
-Hop, hop.
-Oh, no.

325
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:31,194
I have a feeling that we have
perhaps misunderstood the question.

326
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:35,198
Will you stop that hopping?
Who are these weird people?

327
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,992
-Just don't pay any attention, Sam.
-Oh!

328
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:42,747
All right, I suggest that we look
carefully at what's before us

329
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,458
and break it down into separate pieces.

330
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:48,003
Check. Ahem.

331
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,714
Ow! Ow! Ow!

332
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:56,469
Heavens to the Betsy.
He means the question.

333
00:18:56,553 --> 00:19:00,598
-But we should be looking for the answer.
-Yes.

334
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:03,184
Well, I'll look under the table.

335
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,230
What is this man doing?

336
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:11,735
Oh, oh, leave him there.
It's best, believe me.

337
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:15,113
Well, as to man's role in the universe,

338
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:18,241
-I don't think he can.
-Can what?

339
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,161
I don't think he can roll.
In the universe.

340
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:24,247
I mean, he's not round enough to roll.

341
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:30,879
-This can't be happening.
-Of course, he could enroll, yes, yes.

342
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,548
But you can't enroll in the universe.

343
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:39,012
-No, but you can enroll in the university.
-Yes.

344
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:42,515
-A little Hilda ha-ha there.
-Very little.

345
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,935
Yeah, hey, but listen,
aren't we ever gonna find any answers?

346
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,145
Yes, yes.

347
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,647
Well, there aren't any under the table,
that's for sure.

348
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,525
-Will you knock it off?
-Knock it off?

349
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:54,486
Ow!

350
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,155
Well, uh...

351
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,451
Tune in next week when our distinguished
panel will discuss the burning question:

352
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,495
"What are we doing here?"

353
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,664
[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

354
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:15,465
Ladies and gentlemen, when I say
the words "great comedy,"

355
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,803
it can only mean one thing,
so let's really hear it for Fozzie Bear!

356
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:22,681
Yeah, thank you, thank you.
Please don't. Stop.

357
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:25,350
Please don't, stop. Please don't stop!

358
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,560
Ha, ha!

359
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,939
Oh, I can see you're all in a great mood
tonight.

360
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,191
Well, why ruin it with your act?

361
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,693
[LAUGHS]

362
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,695
Ho, ho, ho.

363
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:41,116
-I could bury you guys with one line.
-Okay, what's the line?

364
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,576
Uh... Uh...

365
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,454
-You-- You just wait.
-Is that the line?

366
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:47,580
[LAUGHS]

367
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,000
Of course it's not the line.

368
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:53,962
Look, look, I'm gonna tell a joke
and if they heckle...

369
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:57,966
If you heckle me, look out
because I'm ready. Just look out.

370
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,885
That's all I can say, just look out.
That's all I can say.

371
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:03,847
Yep, that's all he can say all right.

372
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:07,976
I learned to handle hecklers by working
in a nightclub so tough

373
00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:10,729
the hatcheck girl was a gorilla.

374
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:14,858
There were more people in
the band than in the audience

375
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,985
and we had a one-man band.

376
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,404
Uh, uh...

377
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:20,989
I remember when--

378
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:23,992
Hey, hey, how come
you guys aren't heckling me?

379
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,119
-We love it. That's funny stuff.
-Funny.

380
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:29,372
-Yeah, topical. Hip.
-Oh, oh. Well, well, well...

381
00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:32,125
At this nightclub a party of 75 came in...

382
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:36,004
BOTH: A lonely old lady,
but she didn't drink much.

383
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:39,257
Great. And I wouldn't say
conditions at the club were bad,

384
00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:41,426
but when we asked where
we could take a bath...

385
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:44,512
The manager ran us through
the carwash next door.

386
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:45,930
Hey, hey, fellas.

387
00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:50,143
-Hey, you guys, will you please...
-Please, please. We work alone.

388
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:51,686
Aha, aha!

389
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:54,147
That was my line. My heckler line.

390
00:21:54,272 --> 00:21:57,275
See how it buried... me.

391
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,780
-Maybe we ought to go on the stage.
-Yes. There's one leaving in five minutes.

392
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,406
Be under it.

393
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,658
Don't heckle me, you old fool. Heckle him.

394
00:22:05,784 --> 00:22:08,536
Is that a toupee you're wearing
or did your cat die?

395
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:13,667
-Help! Heckler run amok. Help! Help!
-Ha-ha-ha!

396
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:19,047
Hey, Scooter. Scooter

397
00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:21,174
-Scooter?
-Yeah, boss.

398
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,802
Would you get everybody on-stage
for the closing number?

399
00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:25,720
-Right, boss. Oh, by the way...
-What?

400
00:22:25,804 --> 00:22:28,556
I decided not to manage The Great Gonzo.

401
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:29,724
Oh, yeah? How come?

402
00:22:29,808 --> 00:22:34,104
Well, you see, I gave him the standard
50-page managerial contract.

403
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:36,439
-And?
-He ate it.

404
00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,484
-Let's hope the contract's not binding.
-Yeah.

405
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,403
Closing number next.

406
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:46,991
♪ Two and two are four ♪

407
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:51,830
♪ Four and four are eight ♪

408
00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:56,459
♪ Eight and eight are 16 ♪

409
00:22:56,584 --> 00:23:01,506
♪ Sixteen and 16 are 32 ♪

410
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,550
♪ Inchworm ♪

411
00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:05,719
♪ Inchworm ♪

412
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:10,432
♪ Measuring the marigolds ♪

413
00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:14,728
♪ You and your arithmetic ♪

414
00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:19,232
♪ You'll probably go far ♪

415
00:23:20,358 --> 00:23:22,318
♪ Inchworm ♪

416
00:23:22,736 --> 00:23:24,738
♪ Inchworm ♪

417
00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:29,492
♪ Measuring the marigolds ♪

418
00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:33,621
♪ Seems to me you'd stop and see ♪

419
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:38,501
♪ How beautiful they are ♪

420
00:23:39,502 --> 00:23:41,880
Come, come. Come here.

421
00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:44,257
Yes. Ha-ha-ha.

422
00:23:44,966 --> 00:23:46,384
Oh...

423
00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:48,136
You're a darling.

424
00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:52,599
Mm. Mm.

425
00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:54,642
[CHUCKLES]

426
00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,857
♪ Inchworm ♪

427
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:03,360
♪ Inchworm ♪

428
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:07,989
♪ Measuring the marigolds ♪

429
00:24:08,531 --> 00:24:12,410
♪ You and your arithmetic ♪

430
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:17,290
♪ You'll probably go far ♪

431
00:24:17,665 --> 00:24:20,418
♪ Mm, inchworm ♪

432
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:22,796
♪ Inchworm ♪

433
00:24:23,672 --> 00:24:27,509
♪ Measuring the marigolds ♪

434
00:24:27,926 --> 00:24:32,180
♪ Seems to me you'd stop and see ♪

435
00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:37,143
♪ How beautiful they are ♪

436
00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:38,436
[WHISTLING]

437
00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:42,774
♪ Two and two are four ♪

438
00:24:43,316 --> 00:24:47,821
♪ Four and four are eight ♪

439
00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:52,534
♪ Seems to me you'd stop and see ♪

440
00:24:52,951 --> 00:24:57,205
♪ How beautiful they are ♪

441
00:24:58,456 --> 00:25:02,585
♪ Seems to me you'd stop and see ♪

442
00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:09,175
♪ How beautiful they are ♪

443
00:25:18,309 --> 00:25:21,646
Another half-hour has passed,
and we've reached the end of our show.

444
00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:25,692
We'd like to thank our special guest star,
Mr. Charles Aznavour.

445
00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:29,612
Thank you, Kermit.
It's been a wonderful evening for me.

446
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:33,158
The first chance I ever had
to make friends with a loaf of bread.

447
00:25:33,241 --> 00:25:37,037
[BOTH SPEAK IN FRENCH]

448
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:40,498
Hey, thank you all and join us next time
on The Muppet Show.

449
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,752
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]

450
00:26:19,996 --> 00:26:24,542
-I really liked this show tonight.
-At these prices, who's gonna complain?

451
00:26:24,626 --> 00:26:26,378
[BOTH LAUGHING]